A lady came in all happy laughing an I made my normal chit chat, how are you? Seat belt, gum and she said “Do you mind if I make a call” and I said “Sure.” She made a call to her daughter and seems her daughter made a silly comment and her mother in the back of the car replied with a sarcastic remark then said “… but you are beautiful” I was surprised, how can she say that sarcastic remark to her daughter then say ‘but you are beautiful’, very funny but like wow.
When she finished I said to her “If I was you’r daughter I’d kill myself, it was funny but like wow” we both laughed. We chatted for a bit and not sure how the topic changed to something of a more serious note. Not sure how sometimes this happens, just sometimes it seems to.
She said that her brother had died 6 months ago and her parents was not taking it well, very badly actually. She is taking it to herself to be the pillar the strong one in the family and it’s difficult to hold it in. She said she would quietly alone cry. Being strong for everyone, her mother is depressed and her father doesn’t want to talk about it. I just listened. Let her continue.
I said, I know how it is, my brother had passed away and nobody had talked about it. It took years for me to face it. I could see how she felt. I said from my experience the worse thing you can do it pretend to stay strong and holding it in, that’s what I did. This is in reality like a dark nothing the strong hurtful emotion with a thought in the mind and this nothing, the dark cloud, once given energy gets bigger and bigger because it’s so hurtful and painful and it grows. Each memory some small and some large connects, to a big cloud surround the mind. A simple toy or big holiday, birthday every memory is hurtful and ignored the dark cloud grows. We can not touch the cloud because it’s hurtful. Until the dark cloud, the pain, surrounds and engulfs ones mind and can manifest to depression or possibly suicide, which can seem to be the only answer, everything is hurtful, because everything has a memory a connection, pain to what happened. I have seen this after my brother pass that my own mother, gave up and my father grow weaker, in time my mother passed away, and my father a few years after my mother passed away. The dark cloud just has the power, it was given the power.
I said to her the strongest thing you can do it not hide it in front of your family, and pretend to be strong, and try to be the pillar of the family. It’s a hard burden to hold on your shoulders and try not to crumble. The bravest thing you can do, is it crumble fall, don’t be afraid and let them help you and in turn they will be helping theme selves you all can help each other.
Each time a memory comes up just talk about it, the first time it comes up it is hurtful and painful talk about it even for a little the next time it comes up it will be easier and easier until it can be recalled more detail, then in time the memories will become as a simple memory with out the pain and in time a fading memory and the dark cloud will have no power.
Just like a great joke once heard that is funny then any references will make you crack up and laugh but if you hear the joke over, and over, and over the joke looses it power and becomes boring and just fades like an old memory and is nothing and boring. Like this talking about pain, over and over it looses it’s power will not form a dark cloud and no power. I looked at her and said “good luck, just cry in front of you family it’s hard but best strongest thing you can do” they will be there for you and you for them.
We should hands, she said “thanks” and opened the door to my car and closed it and got into her car and I drove away, like a fading memory.